I was awarded the Director of Training position at my company and was excited to hear I would now report directly to the President. This would raise the level of programs I could develop, the number of people I could touch, and a bigger budget. So, when he sent me the Outlook invite for our monthly meetings as a reoccurring event- the enthusiasm rose to another level.
I walked into his office that day squarely on time and eager to get started on a new journey together. As I greeted him with a big smile and firm handshake- he motioned me to a seat across the desk from him with a short unemotional gesture. I had known Rob for a long time and was excited when he came to our company to take over as President. He and I had communication styles that were completely opposite, and yet, had a healthy respect of each other’s ability to do their respective jobs.
I let the emotion of the moment cloud my judgement and quickly asked how was he enjoying the new company and how was his family was adjusting to the new state. As I continued down this line of questioning he grew irritated and soon stood up and left his own office. I was devastated! As I sat there completely stunned by his reaction- I thought back to our past interactions. Rob was always focused on the business or task at hand. He was quick to make decisions, quick to anger, and quick to get over that anger. He ascended in the corporation because he could face difficult situations, make good/ quick decisions, and not allow the pressure to affect him adversely. I knew that and have known that for the 8 years I have known Rob.
I did not treat him that way. I treated him the way I wanted to be treated, and that is the opposite of what Rob wants from a business interaction. I had been certified in a communications style’s program 11 years earlier and knew that the key to building effective relationships was Versatility. Versatility is the ability to adapt your style of communicating, to build relationships, by making others feel more comfortable. I did not make Rob fell comfortable at all (he left his own office).
The next month days before our meeting I created a one page agenda of bullet points I wanted to discuss in order of priority. I made sure it was in Rob’s inbox so he could use it to prepare for our meeting- if he chose to do so. That meeting was an efficient use of our time as I stuck to the agenda and walked through the points in order. We were not able to complete that list in our 30 minutes of allotted time, so it was saved for the next month’s meeting. I continued to use this approach with Rob and he responded beautifully, giving me the direction and support I needed to meet my goals. After a few months, my list grew shorter than the time allotted for our meeting.
The first time this happened, we got to the end of my list and still had 10 minutes left before his next meeting. I got up to leave and Rob said, “Rein, how are you enjoying this new role? How does your family feel about it?” A-Hah! The lightbulb came on and I realized that Rob was not all business. With his communication style, you just need to get the business completed first (that is why we are here). Once that happens, and you have the time, we can talk about personal things. My style, being the exact opposite style, needs to build the relationship before we trust you enough to do business.
Versatility is not simply rolling over for the other person. It is when we change our behaviors and both sides gain from the modifications. Rob was now making changes in his style to accommodate me. That was several years ago and Rob has been promoted several times now. These promotions are a result of his skill set and the ability to modify his style per the situation. To this day, when we communicate, Rob’s first question of me is, “How’s your family doing?” He sincerely listens to my reply and then we talk about his before doing business. I appreciate that very much.
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