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Taking Love to a New Level: dealing with unconscious bias


I personally want to expand love from a 1 day event (Valentine's Day) to the whole month of February. In that spirit, I am sharing the sequel to my book Introducing Love: a new corporate paradigm (which is on sale this month). It is titled Taking Love to a New Level: dealing with unconscious bias. Unconscious bias is on the front burner these days because of the impact it can have on relationships, companies, and success. It can be read as a stand alone, even though there are references to the original story. I hope you enjoy and it piques your interest in this bias we all have.

Taking Love to a New Level: dealing with unconscious bias

Aidan started working at Life in Balance 2 years ago and thoroughly enjoyed the culture of love they created. He excelled at his job and looked forward to the training that he was offered. He was particularly good at reading other people’s communication styles and making the appropriate adjustments in his style to meet their needs and expectations.

Not everything at Life in Balance was rosy. There was something he started noticing about 6 months ago. There were signs of generalities around based on styles, generations, race, gender, political leanings and spiritual beliefs. It wasn’t displayed outwardly as he had witnessed in the news reports on TV. It was subtler, like: so, and so was not asked to be part of a task force because they were too religious; only women were asked to cook food for the company events; and the reason for the new company benefits was because it would attract more Millennials to come work here.

These were not major issues on the surface. They did however, create cliques, that excluded members of their own work teams. Aidan was from the millennial generation and did not like being branded in such a general way just because he was born during certain years. He had always tried to be his own person, to stand out from the crowd. To be labeled as “privileged” or “spoiled “really raised his dander.

Aidan was not sure how to proceed with this information. He did trust Jessica, the Talent Management lead at Life in Balance. She had facilitated the training programs Aidan had attended and right from the new hire orientation he felt she was someone he could confide in. After thinking about it for a day he sent an email to Jessica asking if they could meet. He then quickly drafted a summary of what he had noticed, being careful to not use names, yet being specific on the actions in question.

“How are you enjoying the love campaign at Life in Balance?”, Jessica asked as Aidan entered her office. After a quick overview of what he liked about the environment, he got right to the point of why he asked her to meet. Aidan felt completely at ease discussing such a sensitive topic with Jessica and was glad he had opened up to her. Jessica confirmed his suspicions by sharing that she too noticed similar issues and was trying to determine the residual affect it had on others.

“Would you be comfortable if I brought our Human Resources manager into this conversation?” “I think this could end up being a very sensitive issue and Jillian’s experience in matters like this could be valuable.” Aidan met Jillian during his initial interview process and felt she was very welcoming. She would check in on him from time to time, just to see how he was getting acclimated. In the past, he did not have any reason to contact Jillian, but agreed that this situation could use someone experienced in delicate situations. It did seem that people always enjoyed talking with Jillian, and they came from all walks of life. Aidan agreed and they put in a call to set up a meeting with Jillian.

After a few sentences over the phone, Jillian asked if they could spare some time to deal with it now. Aidan was apprehensive at first; he wanted to plan for this meeting. On the other hand, he was pleased that his concern was a priority for two important people in the organization. He printed off another summary and followed Jessica to Jillian’s office.

“This is timely, Jillian said as they entered her office. There has been a lot of new research on unconscious bias recently, and the senior staff has formed a task force to develop ideas on how to deal with it”, she continued. “I’m sorry, Aidan replied. I do not follow. There is a name for what I have witnessed?” “Unconscious bias is defined as biases that we are not aware we have”, explained Jillian. She shared that it seems to begin early with human beings as some type of security response. Soon after birth, infants identify the faces of those people who have been kind and loving, providing a safe environment for them. When they first see someone, who does not look like those people, their initial reaction is one of distrust. Over years of slowly repeating this behavior, it becomes an unconscious bias.

“Everybody develops these biases and it doesn’t make them bad people, Jillian said. As human beings, we still have the ability to choose our reaction, she continued. How we react can be perceived as a positive or negative response. We need to help the team think before reacting, and choose the most loving, open response. This is the objective of the task force. We were going to invite Jessica to join us because it looks like we need to create an awareness module. Aidan, would you like to be a member of the task force also? I think you could bring a fresh perspective, as well as some eyewitness accounts.”

Aidan replied, “I have never designed a training program before, how will I be a benefit?” Jessica replied, “Aidan, you have designed several useful manufacturing apparatuses for Life in Balance that have made us more efficient. You have a unique way of looking at something that could stretch our imaginations and challenge our paradigms.” Aidan liked being unique and agreed to be a part of the task force.

The first meeting was exciting on so many levels. Jillian led the task force and set a safe and comfortable environment for everyone. The team was diverse in gender, ethnicities, outlooks and ages with three different generations represented. Stephan Raymond, the CEO, also sat in as an equal member of the task force. Aidan had several encounters with Stephan in his two years here, yet none as intimate as this was going to be. Jillian shared her research with everyone, clearly explaining the definition of unconscious bias and the work done by other organizations. Then she shared specific events anonymously reported to her by associates of Life in Balance.

Stephan started to get nervous in his seat. He had spent the last 5 years trying to build and exemplify a culture of love at his company. Aidan thought he relaxed some when Jillian explained how we develop unconscious biases, and that even the top 100 best companies to work for also deal with these same concerns. He did take comfort in the fact that the work they had done in treating people with respect would also be the key to approaching this concern.

Jessica now took over as the group determined the need to create a workshop that made everyone aware of unconscious biases and to share a process for choosing a path that treats everybody with respect. Aidan liked the fact that they would be working with a blueprint based on solid research. The next task was to help people access their hearts when they face an unconscious bias. Jessica asked, “How do we stop surrendering to our first reaction, think it through, and choose a loving response?” There was a reference to stop, drop, and roll- what we are supposed to do if our clothes catch fire. Another person added to this line of thought by changing that to stop, think, and love. Stephan Raymond was now smiling as he watched the synergy in the room. After another 15 minutes, the group had developed the following process:

  • Stop- why do I have this reaction? Is it an appropriate reaction?

  • Think- How would I feel if I was the target of the bias? What would be a better reaction?

  • Love- how can I stay open to this new process? How would I like to be perceived?


The group quickly collaborated on the ideas for making the whole company aware of the concept of unconscious bias and their new process for self-moderation (Stop, Think, and Love). The decision was made to create a 90-minute workshop- long enough to seriously deal with unconscious bias, yet short enough to keep everyone’s attention. Jessica took responsibility for fleshing out the detail form here and would have a prototype for approval by the next week’s meeting.

Aidan was feeling a rush of positive emotion when he left the room. How exciting to be included in this important project and be respected for his contributions. He came up with the idea of having the Stop, Think, and Love process printed on 3x5 cards so people could carry them in their planners, or pin them up in their cubicles as reminders of this initiative. Stephan Raymond recalled they had some old recipe cards in storage left over when they converted to a totally electronic system. The visual reminder was printed on these repurposed cards for every employee.

Jessica’s final facilitator’s guide was right on target and the support articles from Jillian’s research were woven in for those participants needing validity. There were 12 workshops scheduled over 4 days on two different weeks so every team member in the company could attend. The message was received well, cubicles were adorned with Aidan’s cards, and Love was spreading once again. Everyone like the way it tied back into the three keys they learned five years ago: Take personal responsibility for your actions, be present wherever you are at, and modify your style to meet the needs and concerns of others. (If you want more detail on this, check out my book “Introducing Love: a new corporate paradigm”).

Smiles surrounded the conference table at the next task force meeting as Jillian read the survey results following the awareness workshops. “Life in Balance continues to be a company I am proud to be a part of. I let everybody know of the work we are doing to maintain a positive environment that feels safe for everybody”, Jillian reported. Stephan Raymond was smiling from ear to ear. He gave Jessica accolades for all the work she had done on this project. Aidan felt empowered and appreciated by this experience. Only a month ago he was wondering if the shine was starting to come off the Love Campaign at Life in Balance. After all, that is why he wanted to work here in the first place.

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