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Taking love on the road or the long-distance love affair

Updated: Aug 6, 2023


I often get questions on how to apply the concepts from my last book (Introducing Love: a New Corporate Paradigm) with remote teams. Let’s start by flipping the script with a few questions:

  • How do you know when someone?

    • Is taking responsibility for their intentions?

    • Is present with you?

    • Has modified their communication style to make you feel more comfortable?

  • How does distance change that versus being face to face?

In remote teams, face to face conversations are limited to infrequent visits and/ or through technology. So, this means you have less exposure time to get the same message across to your local team. You may not have the advantage of witnessing their non- verbal behaviors (which can be 55- 70% of our message). This can lead to these potential problems:

  • Unclear responsibilities

  • Perceived loss of productivity or performance

  • Lack of trust among the team members

  • Team members not aligned around priorities

  • Lack of focus in meetings

For some leaders being a remote employee often means out of sight out of mind. Don’t forget they are important members of your team. How differently do you treat your local team versus those working for you remotely?


I was a remote employee for the last 6 years of my corporate career, by choice. I appreciated the freedom to work where and when I wanted to with clear expectations of my performance. I also looked for specific feedback on how I was performing against those expectations. I gave and expected respect from my direct uplink and committed to the team’s goals. My commitment sometimes faded when I was micromanaged, ignored, or manipulated.

Here are some suggested solutions to the potential problem list above.

  • Create a clear team charter, understanding of communication styles

  • Maintain consistent, on- going coaching and feedback.

  • Form strong interpersonal relationships

  • Have a disciplined meeting with cadence and governance

  • Use technology to stay connected remotely

So, the simple answer is to have a plan, focus during those times you do have together to make the most of it. The other essential element in remote relationships is trust.

  • Do I trust that they are committed to the goals and strategies?

  • Do I trust they are putting in the expected effort to achieve those goals?

  • Do I trust their motives? Will they short cut a strategy for results, or to make it easier on them?


If you are not certain, we can even delve deeper to determine the root cause for your lack of trust.

  • Are the trust concerns there because of something they did or did not do?

  • Are they there because you have difficulty trusting others?

  • What have you done lately to earn their trust?


Leaders demonstrate their dedication by doing things to engage and stabilize the team such as:

  • Schedule meetings on a regular basis and stick to the schedule

  • Schedule at least two in person meetings each year

  • Have clear, consistent processes and agendas

  • Recognize and honor the cultural differences in the team such as holidays and religious observances

  • Purposely engage team members during remote meetings

  • Consider geography and time zones when scheduling meetings

  • Schedule occasional virtual “social time”

  • Understand and respect the communication styles of each team member

  • Follow up on everything

I always felt I owed my leader more as a remote team member because of the benefit I received to live where I wanted. I wasn’t going to let them down.

Would you like to learn more about leading with compassion the work place? Then buy my book Introducing Love: a New Corporate Paradigm

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