I am a very focused individual and love to be as productive as possible each day. That has its obvious benefits when it comes to Making a Living - and is one sided when Living a Life. There is more to life than being efficient in one aspect of it. The challenge for me is when making a living becomes all-consuming and difficult to separate from. When I am not working I can still be constantly thinking about the next goal or task I will tackle. My wife is a perfect balance for me as she can live “in the moment,” not bound to a structured plan of attacking the next goal on her list.
Upon returning home from visiting family, I am often thinking through what I need to accomplish once I arrive there. It is a memorization of tasks in order of priority, so I can hit the ground running and make the most efficient use of my time. My urgency of doing this increases because I have been trapped in a car for several hours concentrating on driving, not progressing at all with my task list.
One beautiful Sunday afternoon we arrived home from visiting my parents and my mind was filled with all the tasks I needed to accomplish before the next day. As I methodically unloaded the car, mind fully engaged on Monday, I walked right into my wife who had stopped several yards short of the front door. “Can you smell that?” she asked as she watched for my reaction. Shaken out of my zombie- like trance, I replied, “Smell what?” She turned toward the house, saddened by my lack of awareness. I heard her exclaim, “Forget it, it’s nothing,” a reply I have heard many times.
As I stood there dumbfounded on how I got myself into trouble, I suddenly became aware of the sweet smell of roses. We had stopped right in the middle of her gardens, and they were in full bloom. My wife works very hard to create a natural space around our home with a plethora of colors, fragrances, and diversity. Her gardens have always been a thing of beauty through hours of loving effort on her part. I have no idea of how to start and create such a work of art, something she has a real gift for. In a matter of seconds, I totally devalued her contributions to our home. I was focused on my next career goal and not where I should have been, with my wife, being present to the beauty of nature.
I have been married for 36 years at this point, and love my wife dearly. I want to be there for her as she experiences joy, sadness, beauty, failure, and whatever else our journey together brings. My career is just “what I do”; it does not define the “whole of me.”
Being present in the moment requires one to be at ease with where they are presently. That is one of the benefits of being in balance. To create balance in our lives, we need to nourish all three areas of Career, Family, and Self. Being in balance is personal for everyone. It depends on where you want to spend your time and in making choices that support that desire. Life is constantly on the move, with obstacles and opportunities, both personally and professionally. It requires you to regularly evaluate if you are moving towards or away from balance, and make the necessary adjustments.
I have been wrestling with balance for over 20 years and have been in and out of balance several times. I have realized that when I am moving away from balance, I lose more chances to share “opportunity moments” with the woman I love. My wife is a higher priority to me than my career, and I need to make better choices in the future that support that. Your priorities may be different than mine, and that is fine, you get to determine that. What I want you to get from this message is this: Don’t miss out on important opportunities because you are focused on something of lesser value. Be clear on what is important to you and allot the quality time necessary to achieve that in each segment of your life.
I need to stop and smell the roses more often.
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