In 1971 an Indie film titled “Billy Jack” was released during my junior year in high school. It was a movie about an angry hero who fought the local bullies on behalf of the peaceful Native American school. It was my favorite movie. I bought a Billy Jack hat and thought I embodied his spirit. As I chose to add alcohol to my “hidden fury”, I became violent. When I drank, I felt like my hero.
I was also deeply entrenched in imposter syndrome. I am not, and never was, Billy Jack. He was half Native, a veteran of war, and a skilled martial artist. I am 100% Scandinavian, with no military service, devoid of training in martial arts. He also could not control his rage, like his partner asked him to. My temper only emerged when I drank.
Timing is everything. I met my now wife, Minnie in 1978. I was twitterpated from the get-go. She was such a polar opposite to my “Billy Jack” persona. Happy, with an open heart that exuded love. I am definitely not a fighter, take away the liquid courage and you see that. Eventually I figured out that if I wanted to make the relationship with her work, I could not live these 2 lives.
I gave up alcohol in 1983 and the “real me” showed up. I had lost the black hat a few years before that. I still enjoy watching the movie (it's one of my top 10). I enjoy the “real me” better. Who you are is good enough. In fact, it is beautiful. Step into being the real you and enjoy the benefits.
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